Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Cleveland Indians Change Logo

Due to intense criticism over the past several years, the Cleveland Indians today announced that they will be changing their mascot, logo, and color scheme indefinitely to reflect the changing times and to shy away from the negative portrayal of American-Indians in sport.

"We as an organization felt Chief Wahoo had ran his course as the face of the Indians organization," said Cleveland Indians owner Larry Dolan in a press conference. "However, we know the fine citizens of Cleveland are passionate about the Indians name and because of this, we wanted to find a solution that stayed true to the fine history of our organization and at the same time, could not possibly be seen as racist."

With that, the Indians introduced their new logo.

Sanjay, as he will be known, is the new official face of the Indians. He will appear on all Indians caps, uniforms, and merchandise.

"Sanjay will finally allow our American-Indian fan base to breath easy, as our new mascot does not portray any group of human beings negatively or in a false light."

Chief Wahoo fans will be happy to know he will not be retired. The Indians AA affiliate, the Akron Aeros, will be renamed the Akron Injuns, and adopt Chief Wahoo as their mascot. Injuns owner Mike Agganis declined to comment.

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

I Like It!

So it's a rare occurrence when Honothan J/irch makes a good point, but the other day he brought to my attention the new "I like it" feature on facebook, and the possibilities for misinterpretation.  Also, why isn't there a dislike feature?  Anywho, here's how you shouldn't use the like (and dislike) feature, and when not to include a comment.

Gregory and Mildred ended their relationship
-Alex likes this!
"Aw helz yea!  I've been tryin to tap dat azz since da dey I was born!  Yo Mildred  I'm game if you are!"

Pedro got promoted
-Alex dislikes this!
"Are you fuckin serious!?  I've been working at BusinessCorp for ten more fuckin years than you!  The only reason your lazy ass got that promotion was because of affirmative action!"

Beth is feeling lonely
-Alex likes this!
"Well maybe you shouldn't have fuckin rejected me in the 6th grade bitch!"

Jacob QuassamCount: 5 more rockets fired into Israel Sunday, making that 3654 since 2001.
-Alex likes this!
"Kill those fuckers!"

Arnold wants everyone to know he's back in town!
-Alex is neutral
"Well, no one ever hangs out with you anyway, so how does that affect our lives?"

Beatrice is hungry
-Alex likes this
"Great! More cushin for the pushin!"

Cindy was tagged in an album
-Alex dislikes this
"Holy Shit! The Grand Fuckin Canyon! My life is complete now that I can see you, Grandma Flo, and Uncle Jerry next to a big fuckin hole!"

Betty is attending hug an asian day
-Alex doesn't know what to say
"Honestly, I don't know what to say"

Dale is new baby pics!
-Alex dislikes this!
"You know he's not yours..."

Graham and Alice are now friends
-Alex dislikes this!
"Great! My best friend from childhood and the girl I've had a crush on for the past 6 years met on an airplane, then hooked up in the lavatory!  My life couldn't get any worse!"

Fiona loves her biggg
-Alex likes this!
"The thought of you two loving each other makes me happy!"

However, there is always one time when you can't go wrong with the like feature:

Alex is azeldin.blogspot.com
-Everyone likes this!

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Thursday, March 5, 2009

Jesus' Last Thoughts



Ever wonder what Jesus was thinking right before he died for our sins? Well, here are a few possibilities:

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Fuck the Mariners

There are three things I hate in life: Assholes, Douche bags, and the Baltimore Mariners. For those of you who don't know, the Mariners are a team in the American Indoor Football Association. What the hell is that you ask? It's the lowest level of pro football in the United States. And one of the worst teams in that league is the Mariners. Last year they finished an abysmal 4-10 in their inaugural season, and now they're back to continue to suck it up. But the reason I hate them the most? Well there are two. The first is I'm a diehard fan of the DC Armor, Washington's expansion franchise and arch-rival of the Mariners. The second is because of their shitty ass fanclub, the Mariner Maniacs, but we'll get into that later.

The Baltimore Mariners play at First Mariner Arena in downtown Baltimore. The arena was named first, after First Mariner bank. This team is so shitty, that they actually named themselves after the arena they play in. The DC Armor would never do such a thing. They named themselves after the DC Armory, the arena they just happen to play in. It's a complete coincidence.

But let's get onto the Mariner Maniacs. Taking a look at their website, their homepage boasts the message "The Maniacs are very proud to announce that the Executive Board members are all in place and they are all geared up and are ready for some FOOTBALL!" Firstly I've never seen the word "are" used three times in a sentence. Also, the capitalization of the word football is completely unnecessary.

The second sentence reads, "Stay tuned for some upcoming news from our President, Mr. Ed as we being the "2009" season and it promises to be a good one. " Hang on a sec. Their president is named Mr. Ed? That's not a last name. And I don't know his first name, but I bet it's Eugene. And also, why is 2009 in quotes?

The last sentence reads, "If you thought the "2008" season was something, you ain't seen nothing yet!" Firstly I don't think anyone thought it was something. It was actually the exact definition of "nothing."

Now, I really want to know what the Mariner Maniacs discuss at these meetings. Whether it's possible to spend their time following a less relevant team?

Now take a look at them in action:









Whooaa! That only reminds me of one thing!









Only two times in history have such important topics been addressed.

Now, some of you may remember I had a brief fascination with a similar team called the Chesapeake Tide of the Continental Indoor Football League. I want to say that one, it was an obsession. And two, the Tide were VERY relevant. The 200 Upper Marlborians in attendance on a regular basis really didn't have much excitement in their life, and the Tide took them out of that world of heartbreak and broken dreams.

So in conclusion, Eugene Ed should really find something more worthy to do in his spare time. And as for the Mariners, I can't wait to see them get destroyed by the DC Armor on May 30, June 6, and June 27. My chest will be painted, will yours?

Friday, January 30, 2009

About Me

So I thought I'd go in a little different direction with this post.  It's definitely supposed to be funny, but everything I say is 100% true (well, at least to some extent).  Enjoy:


Firstly, I don't believe in electricity or telephones.  TVs, lights, texting, its all powered by magic.  I mean seriously, how could invisible waves make your voice be transmitted to Australia in only three seconds?  It's completely impossible.  

Thomas Edison did not invent all those inventions.  Instead he invented a time machine to go forward in time and steal the inventions of various inventors that really took place over hundreds of years.  I mean seriously, how could the same man invent the light bulb and then have the insight to invent a video camera?  Completely impossible.

At airports, the voice that says "Caution, the moving walkway is ending" is no recording at all.  There's a woman who sits in a room with a microphone and has to say that all day and all night.

Recess should never end.  Everyday at noon the whole world should break from what it's doing, and play on the playground for thirty minutes.

Similarly little league baseball should never end.

The stock market doesn't exist.  Those arrows move up and down arbitrarily.

Women and men think almost exactly the same, just neither side knows it, and neither is ever going to ask.

When I'm walking to a place far away, I always snap my fingers, hoping that instead I will be able to teleport there.  So far it hasn't worked.

Also if I need to make a tough decision, I snap my fingers hoping that time itself will stop.  Again, no luck.

I don't believe toilets can flush automatically.  Those red lights are really cameras and there is someone out there watching us urinate.  He/she then flushes the toilet from a remote location when we're finished.

Everything that ever happens happens for a reason.

The present will never be as good as the past.

If I could do away with one thing in the world, it wouldn't be violence or death, instead it would be awkwardness.  For some reason every possible way to interact with someone is considered awkward.  I wish more than anything I could go up to any person at any time and just talk about anything.

I love America, but sometimes voting is just stupid.  How could anyone possibly know who would make the best property appraiser in Miami-Dade County?

Everyone should really do more community service, myself included.

Orthodontic work is a scam.

People really should swallow their pride more often.

An apology can go a long way.

I'm completely serious about recess never ending.

If I were writing a college application, the essay topic I would post is, "Your in a room with someone who knows your name, but you've completely forgotten theirs.  How do you find it out, with out the assistance of others, and at the same time never letting the person know you don't know their name?  You only have 30 seconds and no way to access the internet."  Anyone who can answer that question sufficiently should get into Harvard.

I love it when people comment on my posts.

Sunday, January 11, 2009

My Predictions for 2009

So I don't generally do this because no one can predict the future except for those tarot card readers in Chinatown, but I'm gonna go out on a limb and make some predictions for 09.


Blue Jeans Will Remain in Style

For the 53rd year in a row, Jeans will be in style. I know some experts think otherwise, but I'm gonna go out and right now and say that is false. If you take a look at the trends, everything points to Jeans being around for at least one more year.

Cricket Will Not Surpass Football in Popularity

Cricket is plain boring, and although the Sri Lankns love it, it's not going to pick up speed in the United States.

Some Children Will be Named Peter

It's a very common name, and biblical too. So alas, there will be more Peters.

No Child Will Legally be Named "Cup Cake"

Whereas Peter is a good name, Cup Cake is a bad one. No parent could possibly doom their child for a life of ridicule and teasing, it's unethical.

Harvard Will Be Very Difficult to Get In To

Their acceptance rate is generally small, and 2009 will be no different.

There Will be No Summer Olympic Games

Moving the Olympics forward three years during this economy? No way, sir.

HGTV will not Televise the Super Bowl

It has nothing to do with the home or the garden.

Someone Will Purchase a Telescope

Probably one who is interested in the stars.

Ringo Starr Will Not Join The Jonas Brothers

He's not one of their brothers nor would he really fit in.

Ketchup Will Often Be Served With Mustard

It's a winning combination.

This Blog Will Be Updated Very Sporadically

But I'll keep you posted.

Sunday, December 7, 2008

Now That's Awkward!

Have you ever noticed that some ways of communication are simply more awkward than others? Well, I think it's dumb, but really it's true. So I've come up with a list, and rated each form of communication on a scale from one to ten, one being awkward like a comma-splice, and ten being awkward like talking to your Uncle Dave about sex.

Communication and Their Ratings

Facebook Message: This is really the least awkward way to get in-touch with someone. It's private, so no one else can see it, and it shows you made no effort to actually talk to them in a prompt fashion. It also shows you don't want anyone to know you ever spoke. Awkward meter: 0.5

Wall Post: Little more awkward. All holds true for the facebook message, except this way everyone knows you have talked. Ratings here depend on the content of the post. For things like, "What's up?" or "I saw you on TV" thats probably about a 1 on the awkward meter. But for things like, "Can you refer me to a gynecologist? My girlfriend may have herpes and I know you had to deal with that," those posts are more like a 9. So watch what you say and it wont be awkward. It's best to know someone before leaving a post on the wall.

Text messaging: My least favorite form of communication. However it is a necessity. How else are you going to communicate with someone if you just recieved their number? By calling? Nooo, thats too awkward. You must text one or twice before a phone call is appropriate. Even if that means your conversation will look like this:

-8:39 - Hey we're all meeting at the Student Center at 9
-8:41 - Which Floor?
-8:42 - Second
-8:44 - Okay I'll cya there
-8:45 - Actually were meeting by the fountain.
-8:46 - Which fountain?
-8:48 - The one by the Science building
-8:49 - The small one?
-8:50 - No the big one.
-8:58 - K I'm here, where are you guys?
-9:01 - Sorry we didn't see you so we left. I guess my text didn't go through :(

Awkward rating: 2

Calling on the cellphone: This merits a graph













As you can see the more times you meet, the less awkward calling is.

Facebook IM: Kind of awkward, maybe a 4 on the awkward meter. But what Facebook IM has done is made AIM more awkward. Now it's become awkward to IM someone on AIM when all you need to do is IM them on Facebook. But I hate facebook chat, so what I do is say "Hey this keeps freezing, whats your sn?" This bumps the Awkwardness rating up to a 4.5, but it's worth it.

Now this next one really only applies to high school.

Calling someone's house: 10. Unless you knew them before you got your cell phone, calling someone's house is extremely awkward and hard to justify.

Now here are a few less conventional methods of communication:

Carrier Pigeon: 6. If you have one great, but between it being outdated and taking alot of effort, it's kinda awkward.

Pony Express: 0. The pony express is never awkward.

Telegram: 8. Hitler used the telegram. Any ode to Hitler is incredibly awkward. If your friends name is Feldman or Rosenstein, you can bump that up to a 9


I hope this helps. And remember, leaving a comment on any one of my posts is never awkward, so feel free to do so. Unless it's negative, thats a 12.

Saturday, October 18, 2008

Nelly Furtado Got Married

The Singer tied the knot with her sound engineer fiance of one year over the summer, she revealed in an interview with Entertainment Tonight on Friday.

"We got married July 19th," she said.  "I love it!  It's a nice phase of my life."


Do you know why she got married in July and no one reported it?  Because no one gives a fuck about Nelly Furtado.

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Geography Jokes

-What did the Arab say when his mom grounded him?
-Oman!

-What did the Gay Arab say when he finally found a Gay bar?
-Yemen! (Faysal's Joke)

-What did the Arab say when his friend Cooper outran him?
-Ku, wait for me!

-What did the Polish guy say at the burger joint in Athens?
-Look at all this Greece!

-What did the Israeli say after the Polish guy told him a secret?
-I have to Tel-Aviv!

-What did the Arab farmer say when sheep started falling from the sky?
-What is this, Bah-rain?

-What did Ahmahenejad say at age seven when his dad told him he wasnt getting enough excersize?
-I ran this morning!

-What did the Carolinian say when his favorite baseball team was loosing in the ninth inning?
-We need a Raleigh!

-Where did the letter z move to after being kicked out of the alphabet?
-New Zealand! (Faysal's Joke)

-What did the Indian say when he got hungry?
-Where's the New Delhi?

-What did the President of South Korea say when he was losing in the general elections?
-I'd sell my Seoul for a second term

-What did the Jewish guy say at the Cuban Bar Mitzvah?
-Havana Negila!

-Whats superman's favorite city?
-Cape Town!

-What did the Senegalian say when his best friend asked him if he'd seen his lost iPod?
-It's in Dakar!

-Whats the Polish Army's favorite weapon?
-The Warsaw!

-what did the Arab guy say when his wife asked if she should purchase some eggs?
-Please Du Bai some eggs!

-What did General Patreus say to his father when asked about the current state of Iraq?
-It's in the Baghdad!



Sorry guys PDA post ison it's way.

Sunday, September 28, 2008

Political Cartoon Two


Political Cartoon One


And The Winner Is...

PDA. Good choice. Look for the sequel to be posted in the next week or so. In the meantime look forward to my new series of political cartoons.

For the record, my favorite post was The Real Story of Hanukkah.

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Zeld..in..Da..HOUSE!! Is one year old!!

Friday commemorated the one year anniversary of the first post on Zeld..in..Da..HOUSE!!  To celebrate, I have posted a poll in which you can vote for your favorite post of the first year.  The winner will result in me writing a sequel/another post in that style.  If you vote for other, please specify.  Thanks to all the fans, especially Zach, who have taken the time to read this over the past year.  It's whats kept me going.  

Monday, September 8, 2008

Thunder Struck

The Oklahoma City Thunder are the second team in my blogging life to change their name (See "The Tampa Bay Rays" for more details). This one is even worse than the Rays. I mean come on, Thunder? That's not gonna sell any jerseys. Even I could come up with more creative names and Jersey designs. In fact, I think I just might.



Friday, August 29, 2008

Who IS Sarah Palin?

Okay so I've now had to look up her name at least three times since the announcement.  Im not going to lie.  Until today I absolutely no idea who she was or what even qualified her to be VP.  So like any other scholar, I turned to Wikipedia.  From 1996-2002 she was the mayor of the town of Wasilla, Alaska, with a booming population of 5,469.  To put that in perspective, the Bowie Baysox had 5,788 people attend their game last night vs the Trenton Thunder, a matchup of epic proportions.  

I then checked up upon the history of Wasilla.  "The History of Wasilla begins with the history of Kink, the first boom town in the Mat-Su Valley, which by 1925 boasted a population of 500."  Boring.  Then all of a sudden there was a knock on my door.  Shit, it was my mom!  Quick, I had to minimize all the porn.  So as I'm minimizing she enters.  Eek!  My mom is now in my room and This is on my computer screen.  I'm done for!  She's gonna go apeshit!  But luckily a miracle happens!  She says to me "Ah, I see you are reading up on politics, good boy.  I will let you study." and she leaves.  WTF!?!  Is she dumb?  There was pornography on my screen, not politics!  But little did i know, it was both!  That stunning beauty was no one other than Sarah Palin back in her modeling days.

After being mayor, she was elected to the role of governor of Alaska.  That essentially wraps up her career in politics thus far, making Barack Obama look like Albus Dumbledore.  

However looks, experience, and... well umm... looks, isn't the only criteria to judge a politician.  We must also look at her beliefs.  "Palin opposes same-sex marriage, but has several gay friends."  Good.  Then she's just like me.  I oppose equal rights for women, but I have several female friends.  

All in all, I think she's ready.  She studied at a top notch college, the University of Idaho, comes from a very relevant state, and was born on the same day as Jeb Bush.  If anyone should be president in the event of an assassination, I hope it's her.

Monday, June 23, 2008

Like Father, Like Son

On the train last week I overheard one of the least intelligent conversations I had ever heard in my life. I sat casually, reading the works of Aristotle as I often do in my spare time, when I heard a boy ask his father, "Is it true that the president has to chew his food 100 times before he swallows?" I quickly looked behind me to see who was asking this question, a pre-schooler? A retard? No. This kid had to be at least ten years old and looked quite normal. I waited with eager anticipation to see how the father would respond. He said "No I don't think that's true, why would he need to do that?" So the son replied, "Maybe for security reasons." Yes that seems quite possible. To make sure our president doesn't choke, we've enacted a law that requires our president to eat for roughly three and a half hours to finish a hamburger and freedom fries. The son then went on to explain, "I first thought it was because the first president had to chew his food one time, then the second president two times, and so on." I don't know where to begin analyzing this comment. Firstly the boy has drastically over estimated the number of presidents in our nation's history. Secondly this would be a rather cruel law to enact on our first presisent, seeing as how he had wooden teeth. I certainly hope they didn't give him taffy very often. Thirdly, how it God's name would they enforce this law? Have the secret service count each chew? Now that I think about it, that's probably why Andrew Johnson was impeached. He only chewed his food 14 times before he swallowed.

Later, the son asked his father what kind of food they ate last night. The dad responded by saying "Either Chinese or Lebanese Food." Excuse me? Chinese or Lebanese? There's no confusing Chinese Food with Lebanese Food. They are drastically different. Tha'd be like saying "I can't remember what I ate last night, it was either a fruit salad or a suckling pig." Maybe he's just had zero exposure to even the smallest bits of culture.

The son then looked out the window and saw a boat roughly this big. He excalimed, "That's the biggest boat I've ever seen!" I don't think this family gets out much.

Saturday, June 7, 2008

Madagascar 2?

So I have just been informed that there will be a sequel to Madagascar titled "Madagascar: Escape 2 Africa." The plot is as follows, the animals are on a plane back to New York when it crash lands in Africa, where they meet new animals they have never seen before. Now they need to escape back to New York. Don't get me wrong, it's an interesting plot, but i think I've heard it somewhere before. Where was that again? Oh yea. Wasn't the plot to the first movie!? The animals were stranded in Africa and had to escape!!?? Last time I checked Madagascar was in Africa! That be like if they decided to make a sequel to the Shawshank Redemption called "The Shawshank Redemption 2: Escape From Prison" where Andy Dufrane was wrongly convicted of a crime again and made a different close black friend with a lovely narrating voice who could get him things and attempted to escape. Seriously, repeating a plot exactly does not make a new movie. Glad to see the writer's strike resulted in fresh ideas.

Monday, May 12, 2008

Meet The Birdies

Our senior Quest has begun! You can track everything about our minigolf team, The Birdies, at our website http://www.freewebs.com/marylandminigolf. Here I have reprinted the bios of The Birdies. Enjoy!

Michael Connelly (The Pro)

Michael Connelly, a resident of Laurel, Maryland, has been a member of the High School Class of 2008 at Georgetown Day School since Pre-Kindergarten. He gets the nickname "The Pro," as he is an all league golfer in the High School Mid-Atlantic Conference, making him the favorite to win the tournament. He will be attending Dickenson College next year where he might try out for the Golf Team. He is a notoriously slow eater, as it once took him two full periods at a hockey game to finish a backet of Chicken Tenders. Also, he has aged very well, as he has looked the same in everyone of his yearbook photos since the fourth grade. He has the reputation of being the nicest person at GDS and having above average table manners. His interests include, but are not limited to, Orienteering, Israeli Dancing, Hopscotch, and Tai-Chi.

Jeff Schneider (The Stagehand)

Jeff Schneider, a resident of McLean, VA, has been a member of High School Class of 2008 at Georgetown Day School since 9th grade. He gets the nickname "The Stagehand" as he is the senior most member of the lighting crew in the GDS Theatre Department. He will be attending Haverford College next year where he plans to sleep in the dorms. A minor league sports nut, Jeff has an interesting fascisnation with the PG County based football team The Chesapeake Tide. He can often be found at home games with a letter painted across his chest and a song in his heart. He is an extremely picky eater, as he shies away from pasta, sauces, pork, deli meats, vegetables, fish, rice, and any sort of food that isn't American. On weekends he spends his time at Fur Nightclub where he enjoys VIP status and occasionally performs his original hip-hop to capacity crowds. And to all the ladies out there, sorry, this guys taken.

Faysal Al-Sabah (The Prince)

Faysal Al-Sabah, a resident of Washington, DC has been a member of High School Class of 2008 at Georgetown Day School since 10th grade. He gets the nickname "The Prince" as he is a member of the royal family of Kuwait. He will be attending The University of Pennsylvania next year where he plans to take full advantage of the buffet-style meal plan. A three-sport varsity athlete, Faysal excels at soccer, wrestling, and tennis. His active lifestyle was cut short this year when he tore his ACL in a wrestling match. Since then he has excelled in ping-pong where he often accuses his opponents of getting lucky when they hit shots that he can't return. No one has ever heard him sing, but rumors are spreading that his voice is heavenly. He often takes advantage of his status as a diplomat, parking in handicapped spaces, speeding in school zones, vandalizing historic landmarks, urinating publically, and occasionally, jaywalking.

Alex Zeldin (Alex)

Alex Zeldin, a resident of Washington, DC has been a member of High School Class of 2008 at Georgetown Day School since 3rd grade. He gets the nickname "Alex," as it is short for his legal name, Alexander. He will be attending The University of Miami next year where he plays to take up skiing. An award winning filmmaker, he has received prizes at some of the world's most prestigious film festivals (such as the Friends School of Baltimore Film Festival and The Edmund Burke School Film Festival). He maintains the blog Zeld..in..Da..HOUSE!! found at azeldin.blogspot.com, where his unique views on life make those who read it question whether he is in need of psychiatric treatment. He is incredibly froogle and can be seen at food courts circling to find the lowest price on soda. When he is not in school or making films, he volunteers his time by playing the saxophone for the blind. Few enjoy it.

Sunday, April 27, 2008

Special Guest Bloggers

With my new hectic schedule, I cannot keep up with this blog the way I used to. It is with that I have decided to hire a staff of guest bloggers to keep this going on a more regular basis.

My Staff

Senor Sombrero: "Me gusta todas las muchachas. Y los muchachos. Yo soy un mexicano bisexulio."

Joey Chang: "You want fried rice or steamed rice? Well, with my weekly column you get both! Spring roll cost extra."

Eli Steinman: "Are you looking for a good deal? Well look no further. I'll be letting you know where you can save big on everything from gefilte fish to manachevitch. Le Chaim!"

Canada Clyde: "Live from Winnepeg Centre I'll be blogging aboot hockey and curling. So sit back, grab a Molson, and and listen to all three of Canada's accomplishments. It'll be the best bloog ever, eh?"

He Who Runs As If He Has Shit In His Pants: "This sucks. My brother's name is Hank."

Daisy the Cow: "I'll be blogging about mooooovies."

Harvard H. Aristotle: "I will be eschewing posts about plebeian activities such as football and wrestling, as I abhor them, and opting to engross the reader into the world of plato and frued. If you have a yen for a colloquy, please emanate with prudence, as I have only a minutia of time."

Monday, April 7, 2008

Mission Accomplished

It has come to my attention that earlier this week, war was declared on azeldin.blogspot.com. I was urged to fight, but like Mother Theresa , I do not believe in war. What came as I complete shock to me however, was that the person who declared war on me is someone I consider to be a bit of a father figure in my life. Why did this happen? What did I do to deserve this?

“My God, My God, why have you forsaken me?” –Jesus

It is no use dwelling on the past. What I need to do now is work on creating a brighter future. My attacker who shall remain nameless but goes by the name of Z/achary L/angdon P/rillaman(the three names being a tribute to another famous trio—John Wilkes Booth, Lee Harvey Oswald and James Earl Ray) was quite displeased with a few of my posts. First of all, I do not know why someone in college (following in the footsteps of Scholar Eli Manning) would even bother to read my blog, but regardless, at 1:14 in the morning he declared war. For starters, he did not like my post about the Navy. He said people who do join the Navy use it as a way to pay for college, because they otherwise cannot afford it. It turns out college is rather expensive. I was fully unaware of this fact, as I have been living with my head under a rock in Alaska for the past eighteen years. Had I known, I would not have used it as a filler post. I no longer find it funny that the two screen names used were “Mike-El-Angelo and Slackwacker77,” a realistic portrayal of the instant messaging youth of America (my screenname is xoxoMonaLisaxoxo). What confuses me however is that if my blog is that unfunny, why did he have to scroll down to the bottom to find a post to comment on? Or why did he copy my idea of a presidential campaign (check his blog entry from 11/6)? The answer is simple: I am the Greatest.

I decline to comment further on the hate crime this man instilled on me (yes hate crime, I once questioned my sexuality, making me a former Q in the GLBTQ triangle) as it stung me quite the wrong way, similar to how a bee would sting me if I happened to be bathing in honey and necture. However this bee sting hurt me emotionally. If he wants to continue to pluck away at my soul then he can feel free, but Confusius once said “Do not impose on others what you yourself do not desire,” and unless he thinks he is wiser or more attractive than this man, he might want to refrain from such comments in the future, or else great shame will be brought upon his family.

Friday, April 4, 2008

Tuesday, April 1, 2008

Sunday, March 30, 2008

March Madness? More Like March Sadness.

We have reached the final four and what was predicted by myself to be a perfect bracket has fallen considerably short. In fact, I was so confident my bracket would be perfect that I entered it on yahoo for a chance to win 5,000,000 dollars! Of the million entries, I am ranked in the 12th percentile, meaning 88% of all brackets are better than mine. If this were the SAT, I would get a 760 out of 1600. That would qualify me as being mentally retarded. This truely is March Sadness.