A Conversation About Chinese Politics

Here's some background:

Hu Jintao is the President of China.

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Wen Jiabao is the Premier of the State Council.

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Xi (pronouced she) Jinping is the Top Ranking Member of the secritant.

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Here's a typical conversation involving Chinese Politics:

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"That's What Xi said."

"Wait, who said that?"

"No! Xi!"

"But When?"

"Not Wen! Xi!"

"But who is she?"

"Hu is not Xi!"

"Since when?"

"Wen is not involved!"

"Who decided that?"

"Yes."

"Wait, that dosent make sense. Who hired you?"

"Yes."

"I still don't follow. How long have you done this? Since When?"

"No, way before Wen."

"You should be fired."
"Who is Yu?"

"I give up."

My Campaign Continues

As I stated earlier, I plan to run for President of the United Sates (See 'I am proud to announce my candidacy'). My mailbox has been flooded with question by both rich and poor, old and young, black and white, left and right. I feel that now is the time to answer some more of these questions.

Dr. Albert Smith of Austin, TX asks, "Hey Buster, just which party do you plan on representing?

Dr. Smith, the problem with America today is that all candidates commit to only one Party. I as President plan to attend several parties, or as I like to call them, shindigs. Just because I am President doesn't mean that I have to be a mean old grumpy man that can't have any fun. Even though I will be dealing with border security, the war in Iraq, and Health care, doesn't mean you won't see me droppin it like its hot, bustin a move, or popin and lockin, at the many local clubs this great nation has to offer.

Abdul Al-Sharee of Clearwater, FL asks, "Your platforms are complete jokes and make a huge mockery of our political system, do you take ANYTHING seriously?"

Yes I do. This Country is a great place filled with wonders both far and wide. However, there are several problems that this country faces. I plan to attack those problems one by one. America is like a beautiful woman. Other nations are afraid to to talk to it. It often gets away with things that other, more ordinary nations would get tickets for. It gives other nations a false sense of hope that maybe it likes them. Sometimes other nations try to ask it out on a date. But in the end, America knows it belongs to the handsome male country. However, none exist so America continues to be single. I hope this answers your question.

I now would like to take the time to introduce the logo of the Alex Zeldin for Presidency Campaign. Here it is. Ba da da da da da da, ba da da da da DAAAA!!!

Death Clock

So I did one of those death clocks that they advertise on google. It turns out that I will die at the age of sixty-two. Well, I'll show them. I bet if I really try I can die at FORTY-two. Ha! Now who looks stupid?

The Junior Fishes' Season Has Begun!

So my new Backyard baseball franchise is underway. The Junior Fishes consist of speedy Pete Wheeler at SS, rockin' Ahmed Khan at RF, his little brother Amir Kahn at 1b, powerful Keisha Phillips at CF, Slugger Pablo Sanchez at 2b, Jocina Smith at 3b, Mikey Thomas at C, Kenny Kawaguchi (hes in a wheelchair) at pitcher, and Dante Robinson in RF. Lookin swell in their shiny new uniforms, the Fish took the field for their first 6 inning game.

Game 1: Green Giants 3, Junior Fishes 2

The Fishes started of the season on a sour note, loosing 3-2 to the Giants. Trailing 2-0 early in the game, the Fishes looked terrible on defense, committing several errors and allowing the Giants to score on what should have been easy outs.

"We have to learn how to catch," said Jocinda Smith. "You cant expect to win when you don't catch"

Inspiring words from an inspiring lady. In the bottom of the 5th the Fish tied the game on Amir Khan's 2 run shot to right field. In the top of the 6th Kenny Kawaguchi gave up the go ahead run on a solo shot. When manager Alex was asked about whether Kenny's wheelchair maybe have gotten in the way, he had this to say.

"Yea, it probably did. I mean, who has ever heard of a handicapped kid playing baseball?"

in the bottom on the 6th it looked like the Fishes would come back. With a runner on second and 1 out, Pablo Sanchez hit what looked like a 2-run homer, but it hit the top of the wall and fell into play, leaving runners on second and third. The Fishes couldn't capitalize with runners in scoring position and and fell to the Giants 3-2.

Game 2: Junior Fishes 12, Yellow Hornets 3

The Khan brothers both homered and Keisha Philips added another two to lead the Fish to a monstrous 12-3 victory. Kenny Kawaguchi pitched 5 solid innings, giving up three runs.

"He's handicapable, what can I say?" said manager Alex.

This looked like a new team from the first game and not once did they ever let up. Through 2 games Mikey Thomas is hitting a perfect 4 for 4 with a homer.

"He's handicapable, what can I say?" said manager Alex.

The Junior Fishes were also honored today with the league diversity award, for having the greatest hodge-podge of players. The team consists of two Arabs, four African Americans, one handicapped Asian, one Latino, and one White man. Two of their players are also female.

"They're all handicapable, what can I say?" said manager Alex.

The Fish's next game is versus the Melonheads who are 1-1.

Greatest Rivalries

So the Yankees and Red Sox almost renewed their rivalry again this October, but unfortunately that didn't happen. Of Course the Yanks and Sox are the greatest rivals in all of sports, but where do they stand in history? Well, Zeld..in..Da..HOUSE!! is proud to present...

THE TOP SEVEN GREATEST RIVALRIES IN THE HISTORY OF GREATEST RIVALRIES

7. William Taft vs. Theodore Roosevelt
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WT and TR used to be best friends during the glorious days of the Roosevelt presidency. After the second term, Teddy decided it was time to step down and hand the reigns to his numero uno amigo, Willy T. With the Square Deal bringing the US into a new era of prosperity, William Taft decided that he wanted to lead America on a new course of action. But that's not where the rivalry lay, the rivalry lay in one simple question, "Who could possibly look more ridiculous in a moustache?" Well, that is for you to decide.

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6. Dr. Pepper vs. Mr. Pibb

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The battle over who created the greatest alternative soft drink. Pepper holds the medical degree, Pibb never went to college, yet when it comes to great taste education does not matter. All that matters is who can make a waiter's life more aggravating? "Um excuse me sir, you refilled my Dr. Pepper with Coke, could I please have a new one?" Yea that's right. It was Dr. Pepper bitch. Get it right.


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5. Honda vs. Hyundai


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Which inexpensive Asian automaker reigns supreme? Honda of course. But Hyundai has set out to try to change that. Not by making better automobiles, but by alternating Honda's logo ever so slightly so people think they are actually buying a Honda. "Hey, look at my brand new Honda!" "Umm, thats a Hyundai." "NOO!!!"


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4. The Sharks vs. The Jets


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Sorry, i don't really know much about musicals, but i hear their big rivals. From my understanding the CO2 emitted from the Jets pollutes the Shark's watter supply. The Sharks retaliate by biting at the bottom of the Jets aircraft carriers, leaving them no place to land. The Jets drop bombs on Pearl harbor and cause America to enter WW2. Benjamin Franklin invades Vietnam and frees the slaves. And that's where babies come from.


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3. The Palestinians vs. The Israelis


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With the formation of Israel in 1948, The Palestinians were pissed. "It's our land. We've lived here for the past hundreds of years" they claimed. "No, it's our land," replied the Israelis. "Wow great rebuttal, you truly are a master of debate." "Gee thanks!" "That was sarcasm you idiot." "No it wasn't." "Yes it was!" "Explain" "I meant the opposite of what i said." "So you don't actually think I'm a great debater?" "No." "Aw man."


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2. The Yankees and The Red Sox


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Well its hard to call this a rivalry, because the Yankees are 10 times better than the Sox and aren't even in the same league as them in terms of class and talent. For several years the Yanks beat up on the Sox, crushing their hopes and dreams. In 2003 they did it once more, on Aaron Boone's easy home run. in 2004 the Yanks were about to sweep the Sox, but then they saw them starting to cry. Realizing that beating the Sox was like taking candy from a baby, the Yankees and their kind hearts allowed to sox to come back, so maybe just once they could have their moment in the sun. Well the Sox took that opportunity and to this day still don't realize the Yanks let them win. Oh well, it will be another 86 years until the Sox win anyway. And maybe the next time it wont be so pathetic.


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1. Zeld..in..Da...HOUSE!! vs. Get on that Freight Train


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You can be the judge of this one. Be sure to check both blogs everyday for hilarious insight and commentary. Remember, that's azeldin.blogspot.com. Check it every day. More than once. That name again is azeldin.blogspot.com. Please, check it. I'm begging you. I need this for my self esteem. Please help me.

The newest member of F/aysal's family: The next great explorer?

I think Faysal's new brother will be a great explorer, F/aysal on the other hand has a very specific idea of what his brother will be like.


TheNYknicks33 (10:55:46 PM): whens ur mom due?
Fizzil97 (10:56:33 PM): in like 10 days or so... she was at school today
TheNYknicks33 (10:56:38 PM): o really
TheNYknicks33 (10:57:14 PM): maybe the baby will be born on columbus day
TheNYknicks33 (10:57:28 PM): then u can call it Christopher Columbus Al-S/aba/h
Fizzil97 (10:58:08 PM): haha i think they'll really love it in kuwait
Auto Response from TheNYknicks33 (10:58:06 PM): AZeldin.blogspot.com
TheNYknicks33 (10:58:43 PM): he'll be the best Columbus Day present ever
Fizzil97 (10:59:04 PM): true
TheNYknicks33 (10:59:37 PM): he could become an explorer
TheNYknicks33 (10:59:42 PM): and find the new world
Fizzil97 (11:00:42 PM): i think we might be pushing it here... i feel offended that u believe all people born on Columbus Day are automatically good at exploring
Fizzil97 (11:01:00 PM): some people have probably dealt wit that stereotype all their life
TheNYknicks33 (11:01:58 PM): Fine
TheNYknicks33 (11:02:11 PM): He'll have a very bad sense of direction and always get lost on the beltway
TheNYknicks33 (11:02:26 PM): he wont know his 495 east from his 495 west
TheNYknicks33 (11:02:46 PM): hell have no sense of geography and mistake Ohio for Texas on a map
TheNYknicks33 (11:03:06 PM): He wont learn his rights from his lefts till hes 14
Fizzil97 (11:03:20 PM): wat so arabs have no sense of direction?
Fizzil97 (11:03:27 PM): is that what ur suggesting
TheNYknicks33 (11:03:25 PM): fine
TheNYknicks33 (11:03:43 PM): hell have a moderatly good sense of direction, but not good eneough to go find new worlds
TheNYknicks33 (11:04:00 PM): he will be able to navigate through traffic and find shortcuts, but only if hes been there before
Fizzil97 (11:04:18 PM): fine... thats better