Tuesday, March 4, 2008

A Scientific Breakthrough!

A Reuters Article describes a new scientific breakthrough. Professor Murray Straus has concluded:

"Spanking children can lead to problems later in life"

What a fuckin revelation! Who would have thought that spanking a child could lead to problems in later life? Not me. That's why I would never spank my child. Nope. It's Pistol Whipping for me. There aint been no research to conclude pistol whipping can lead to problems in later life. Another possible form of "tough love": Testicle Kicking. That's right. Steel a cookie from the cookie jar? We aint singin' no song. It's ten minutes of shots to the groin.

My favorite part of the article was the results of spanking.

"Both men and women who had experienced corporal punishment as children were less than 10 percent more likely than those who had not been spanked to verbally coerce sex from a partner."

Hmmm. Now that's interesting. The spankees want sex. And they are very very persuasive. 10% more likely to be pursuasive than non-spankees.

The Professor, who has devoted his life to answering the life long question of whether spanking can lead to problems, had a few words of advice.

"He added that there are alternative ways to discipline children that work better and do not have side effects."

No? Really? You don't say. Honestly I don't believe him. Besides maybe pistol whipping and testicle kicking I can't think of another way to punish a child. What about spanking? No wait, that may lead to problems in later life.

But seriously, how did he come up with these results? Did he take a bunch of orphans, put them in rooms with nuns and alcoholic fathers, and have them spank away? Then did he release these orphans into the wild and so they could roam free? Then twenty years later track them and see whether they have verbally coerced sex from their partners?

I'd love to see next years Nobel prize nominations:

Dr. Phillip Glasser for his work on HIV vaccinations and prevention.
Dr. Wendy Smith for her work on safer cancer treatment.
Dr. Robert Feingold for curing Parkinson's disease.
Professor Murray Straus for his work on the long term effects of spanking.

If only there were more people on this earth like ol' Murry. If only...

For the article click here: http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20080229/lf_nm_life/children_spanking_dc

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