Monday, June 23, 2008

Like Father, Like Son

On the train last week I overheard one of the least intelligent conversations I had ever heard in my life. I sat casually, reading the works of Aristotle as I often do in my spare time, when I heard a boy ask his father, "Is it true that the president has to chew his food 100 times before he swallows?" I quickly looked behind me to see who was asking this question, a pre-schooler? A retard? No. This kid had to be at least ten years old and looked quite normal. I waited with eager anticipation to see how the father would respond. He said "No I don't think that's true, why would he need to do that?" So the son replied, "Maybe for security reasons." Yes that seems quite possible. To make sure our president doesn't choke, we've enacted a law that requires our president to eat for roughly three and a half hours to finish a hamburger and freedom fries. The son then went on to explain, "I first thought it was because the first president had to chew his food one time, then the second president two times, and so on." I don't know where to begin analyzing this comment. Firstly the boy has drastically over estimated the number of presidents in our nation's history. Secondly this would be a rather cruel law to enact on our first presisent, seeing as how he had wooden teeth. I certainly hope they didn't give him taffy very often. Thirdly, how it God's name would they enforce this law? Have the secret service count each chew? Now that I think about it, that's probably why Andrew Johnson was impeached. He only chewed his food 14 times before he swallowed.

Later, the son asked his father what kind of food they ate last night. The dad responded by saying "Either Chinese or Lebanese Food." Excuse me? Chinese or Lebanese? There's no confusing Chinese Food with Lebanese Food. They are drastically different. Tha'd be like saying "I can't remember what I ate last night, it was either a fruit salad or a suckling pig." Maybe he's just had zero exposure to even the smallest bits of culture.

The son then looked out the window and saw a boat roughly this big. He excalimed, "That's the biggest boat I've ever seen!" I don't think this family gets out much.

1 comment:

folletto145 said...

Ah, Zeldy's commentaries. They will be sorely missed.