Friday, August 29, 2008

Who IS Sarah Palin?

Okay so I've now had to look up her name at least three times since the announcement.  Im not going to lie.  Until today I absolutely no idea who she was or what even qualified her to be VP.  So like any other scholar, I turned to Wikipedia.  From 1996-2002 she was the mayor of the town of Wasilla, Alaska, with a booming population of 5,469.  To put that in perspective, the Bowie Baysox had 5,788 people attend their game last night vs the Trenton Thunder, a matchup of epic proportions.  

I then checked up upon the history of Wasilla.  "The History of Wasilla begins with the history of Kink, the first boom town in the Mat-Su Valley, which by 1925 boasted a population of 500."  Boring.  Then all of a sudden there was a knock on my door.  Shit, it was my mom!  Quick, I had to minimize all the porn.  So as I'm minimizing she enters.  Eek!  My mom is now in my room and This is on my computer screen.  I'm done for!  She's gonna go apeshit!  But luckily a miracle happens!  She says to me "Ah, I see you are reading up on politics, good boy.  I will let you study." and she leaves.  WTF!?!  Is she dumb?  There was pornography on my screen, not politics!  But little did i know, it was both!  That stunning beauty was no one other than Sarah Palin back in her modeling days.

After being mayor, she was elected to the role of governor of Alaska.  That essentially wraps up her career in politics thus far, making Barack Obama look like Albus Dumbledore.  

However looks, experience, and... well umm... looks, isn't the only criteria to judge a politician.  We must also look at her beliefs.  "Palin opposes same-sex marriage, but has several gay friends."  Good.  Then she's just like me.  I oppose equal rights for women, but I have several female friends.  

All in all, I think she's ready.  She studied at a top notch college, the University of Idaho, comes from a very relevant state, and was born on the same day as Jeb Bush.  If anyone should be president in the event of an assassination, I hope it's her.


Guy said...

this post is better than a lot of the stuff i've read in the last 24 hours about palin. nice going with this blog.

Tito said...

Hilarious as usual.

Aaron said...

More likely the assassin would be a heart-attack. If she was VP under Barrack, then it would be an assassin.