Sunday, March 30, 2008
March Madness? More Like March Sadness.
We have reached the final four and what was predicted by myself to be a perfect bracket has fallen considerably short. In fact, I was so confident my bracket would be perfect that I entered it on yahoo for a chance to win 5,000,000 dollars! Of the million entries, I am ranked in the 12th percentile, meaning 88% of all brackets are better than mine. If this were the SAT, I would get a 760 out of 1600. That would qualify me as being mentally retarded. This truely is March Sadness.
Tuesday, March 4, 2008
A Scientific Breakthrough!
A Reuters Article describes a new scientific breakthrough. Professor Murray Straus has concluded:
"Spanking children can lead to problems later in life"
What a fuckin revelation! Who would have thought that spanking a child could lead to problems in later life? Not me. That's why I would never spank my child. Nope. It's Pistol Whipping for me. There aint been no research to conclude pistol whipping can lead to problems in later life. Another possible form of "tough love": Testicle Kicking. That's right. Steel a cookie from the cookie jar? We aint singin' no song. It's ten minutes of shots to the groin.
My favorite part of the article was the results of spanking.
"Both men and women who had experienced corporal punishment as children were less than 10 percent more likely than those who had not been spanked to verbally coerce sex from a partner."
Hmmm. Now that's interesting. The spankees want sex. And they are very very persuasive. 10% more likely to be pursuasive than non-spankees.
The Professor, who has devoted his life to answering the life long question of whether spanking can lead to problems, had a few words of advice.
"He added that there are alternative ways to discipline children that work better and do not have side effects."
No? Really? You don't say. Honestly I don't believe him. Besides maybe pistol whipping and testicle kicking I can't think of another way to punish a child. What about spanking? No wait, that may lead to problems in later life.
But seriously, how did he come up with these results? Did he take a bunch of orphans, put them in rooms with nuns and alcoholic fathers, and have them spank away? Then did he release these orphans into the wild and so they could roam free? Then twenty years later track them and see whether they have verbally coerced sex from their partners?
I'd love to see next years Nobel prize nominations:
Dr. Phillip Glasser for his work on HIV vaccinations and prevention.
Dr. Wendy Smith for her work on safer cancer treatment.
Dr. Robert Feingold for curing Parkinson's disease.
Professor Murray Straus for his work on the long term effects of spanking.
If only there were more people on this earth like ol' Murry. If only...
For the article click here: http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20080229/lf_nm_life/children_spanking_dc
"Spanking children can lead to problems later in life"
What a fuckin revelation! Who would have thought that spanking a child could lead to problems in later life? Not me. That's why I would never spank my child. Nope. It's Pistol Whipping for me. There aint been no research to conclude pistol whipping can lead to problems in later life. Another possible form of "tough love": Testicle Kicking. That's right. Steel a cookie from the cookie jar? We aint singin' no song. It's ten minutes of shots to the groin.
My favorite part of the article was the results of spanking.
"Both men and women who had experienced corporal punishment as children were less than 10 percent more likely than those who had not been spanked to verbally coerce sex from a partner."
Hmmm. Now that's interesting. The spankees want sex. And they are very very persuasive. 10% more likely to be pursuasive than non-spankees.
The Professor, who has devoted his life to answering the life long question of whether spanking can lead to problems, had a few words of advice.
"He added that there are alternative ways to discipline children that work better and do not have side effects."
No? Really? You don't say. Honestly I don't believe him. Besides maybe pistol whipping and testicle kicking I can't think of another way to punish a child. What about spanking? No wait, that may lead to problems in later life.
But seriously, how did he come up with these results? Did he take a bunch of orphans, put them in rooms with nuns and alcoholic fathers, and have them spank away? Then did he release these orphans into the wild and so they could roam free? Then twenty years later track them and see whether they have verbally coerced sex from their partners?
I'd love to see next years Nobel prize nominations:
Dr. Phillip Glasser for his work on HIV vaccinations and prevention.
Dr. Wendy Smith for her work on safer cancer treatment.
Dr. Robert Feingold for curing Parkinson's disease.
Professor Murray Straus for his work on the long term effects of spanking.
If only there were more people on this earth like ol' Murry. If only...
For the article click here: http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20080229/lf_nm_life/children_spanking_dc
Saturday, March 1, 2008
Public Display of Affection
On my school message boards, we are having a discussion about whether PDA is acceptable or not. In response to a post suggesting we categorize each form of PDA into one of three tiers, I responded with this:
I completely Agree. Infact, lets categorize each specific from of PDA and decide whether its acceptable or not.
Example One
Sharing a sandwich ACCEPTABLE!
Example Two
Sharing a sandwich on rye bread NOT ACCEPTABLE!
Example Three
Talking in French and/or Portuguese NOT ACCEPTABLE!
Example Four
Complimenting a loved one's stylish pair of pants ACCEPTABLE!
Example Five
Discussing federal spending ACCEPTABLE!
Example Six
Takin' the old dog for a walk NOT ACCEPTABLE!
Example Seven
Listening to Michael Bolton NOT ACCEPTABLE!
Example Nine
Discussing the National Basketball Association's Collective Bargaining Agreement ACCEPTABLE!
Example Ten
Spreading Communist Propaganda ACCEPTABLE!
Example Eleven
Baby Makin' NOT ACCEPTABLE!
Example Twelve
Tongue Wrestiln' NOT ACCEPTABLE!
Example Thirteen
Swing Dancing ACCEPTABLE!
Example Fourteen
Second Degree Murder (Couple Style) ACCEPTABLE!
Example Fifteen
Sitting on each other's lap PHYSICALLY IMPOSSIBLE!
Example Sixteen
Spooning NOT ACCEPTABLE! Forking NOT ACCEPTABLE! Sporking I'll CALL THE DOCTOR
Example Seventeen
Playing the harp nude on a bear skin rug DEPENDS ON THE BEAR
Example Eighteen
Faking a heart attack to get an attractive classmate to perform CPR on you I WOULDN'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THAT...
Example Nineteen
Factoring some polynomials (If you know what I mean) I DON'T
Example Twenty
Anything that would be considered Public Display of Affection NOT ACCEPTABLE!
I hope that clears some things up around here
I completely Agree. Infact, lets categorize each specific from of PDA and decide whether its acceptable or not.
Example One
Sharing a sandwich ACCEPTABLE!
Example Two
Sharing a sandwich on rye bread NOT ACCEPTABLE!
Example Three
Talking in French and/or Portuguese NOT ACCEPTABLE!
Example Four
Complimenting a loved one's stylish pair of pants ACCEPTABLE!
Example Five
Discussing federal spending ACCEPTABLE!
Example Six
Takin' the old dog for a walk NOT ACCEPTABLE!
Example Seven
Listening to Michael Bolton NOT ACCEPTABLE!
Example Nine
Discussing the National Basketball Association's Collective Bargaining Agreement ACCEPTABLE!
Example Ten
Spreading Communist Propaganda ACCEPTABLE!
Example Eleven
Baby Makin' NOT ACCEPTABLE!
Example Twelve
Tongue Wrestiln' NOT ACCEPTABLE!
Example Thirteen
Swing Dancing ACCEPTABLE!
Example Fourteen
Second Degree Murder (Couple Style) ACCEPTABLE!
Example Fifteen
Sitting on each other's lap PHYSICALLY IMPOSSIBLE!
Example Sixteen
Spooning NOT ACCEPTABLE! Forking NOT ACCEPTABLE! Sporking I'll CALL THE DOCTOR
Example Seventeen
Playing the harp nude on a bear skin rug DEPENDS ON THE BEAR
Example Eighteen
Faking a heart attack to get an attractive classmate to perform CPR on you I WOULDN'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THAT...
Example Nineteen
Factoring some polynomials (If you know what I mean) I DON'T
Example Twenty
Anything that would be considered Public Display of Affection NOT ACCEPTABLE!
I hope that clears some things up around here
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